Monday, July 2, 2007

I had such an incredible day.

Not that life was much different today. Work was not out of the ordinary, except for the fact that I got to drive through the country this morning in gorgeous weather and think about life.

I felt restored today. I felt like I was incredibly blessed to be alive.

My room is a mess. That usually means that my life is in disarray but today is different. My life feels like it is exactly where it is supposed to be. I can see my life through a different perspective tonight. There are things that I want to do with my life again. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit to what those things may be, but I'm slowly developing some new dreams in life. Strangely enough when I was thinking of these new life dreams, they did not include the typical marriage and children routine.

I want to live my life in the moment as well as in the future. To appreciate each moment. To be okay with where life takes me.

I am not completely satisfied I suppose. If I am honest my heart was snagged tonight. An hour and a half that seems shorter than any other time spent with friends - and yet an hour and a half of heart suspension. I am invested too much...too much. Pull back Emily - don't go there.

Live in the present.
Not in the future of what could be.
Not in the fantasy world of what I want to be.

Appreciate the little things in life. Thank God for the moments you are given in life. Trust Him that He will carry you through.

Where has life taken me in the past couple of months?

My heart has been slightly torn
It has been pushed around
Stretched farther than expected

I have questioned my faith
I have questioned my worth
I have questioned God
I have questioned my heart

All I have learned is that God has held my heart in His hands, promising not to drop it if I will leave it there. "Leave it there??" What will I do with myself?

I will rest in the belief that God will care for that heart and he will protect it.

I lay my heart at the feet of my God...again.

"Please take care of this father. It is my only heart. I don't know what to do with it anymore."

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